Despite the many issues facing the American People, it’s heartwarming to know that the GOP candidates for president can still take time out of their schedules to hate me and all the other members of the LBGT community. Did I say heartwarming? I meant sickening.

Since the bible is obviously so important to these people, I would like to know if they support denying farm subsidies to anyone planting different crops side by side. No? This is just about the family? Fine then. Let’s see a Constitutional amendment banning marriage between straight couples who cannot biologically reproduce. They can adopt you say, and children should have one father and one mother? Okey dokey, then what about Divorce? The bible has way more to say about Divorce than it does homosexuality, and it would by definition lead to single parent households. As they have established the concept that only Leave-It-To-Beaver style two straight parent households are acceptable to them, and this is all obviously their business for some reason, then outlawing divorce would be the logical next step right? Oh. Newt has been married how many times? So I guess he wouldn’t go for that.

OH and of course DADT must come back. Without it, our military will be forced to wear pink, and will be easier to shoot at. Or something. Who cares if they are qualified? Gays are not Americans to these people. And Americans can’t fight in the military. We are a Christian army, after all, and the Lord would surely smite us for our diversity.

These people make me ill. I must now go take a silk-wood shower.

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And just like that, things get way more interesting, by which I of course mean more absurd. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, or as I like to call her, Ron Paul without education, has just announced in the middle of the Republican presidential debate taking place now in New Hampshire, that she has filed papers to run for President of the United states. Some thoughts:

  • This has to be the first time that a candidate has declared during a presidential debate. One wonders what she was doing in that room before the announcement.
  • She is insane. Let’s not forget that.
  • I bet Rick Santourm would love to claw her eyes out about right now. I think he had his heart set on being the nuttiest person in the race. Poor guy. Maybe a little man on dog love would cheer him up.

That’s it for now, but watch this woman. She will set the tone for how far right the other candidates will need to go to win over the tea party. Hope Mitt Romney brought it tinfoil hat.

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A Reminder to Follow Me on Twitter

by Benjamin on June 12, 2011

in Site News

The best way to learn of new posts to brainpanonline.com is to follow me on twitter @egon2020! Be the first on your block to read the latest from BPO! Because that is important. Believe me.

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To clear, Tracy Morgan should be ashamed of himself. He allowed his ignorance to get the better of him, and allowed it to consume his act. Beyond being a fine example of the bullshit gay people must endure on a daily basis, it is bad, amateurish comedy and speaks to a lack of craftsmanship on his part. We have enough crap to deal with, without having to spend time on this sort of stupidity.

As a gay man in a long term same sex relationship, I follow news pertinent to my community with great interest. The LGBT community is constantly under attack, and has been for as long as there have been LGBT people. I am also a passionate and longtime fan of stand-up comedy. My childhood was filled with countless hours of watching The Comedy Channel, the superior precursor to the modern entity known as Comedy Central. These passions intersect from time to time, almost always with embarrassing results. When straight comedians try to address gay issues, a certain lack of understanding is to be expected. Sometimes that lack of understanding is profound. Sam Kinison comes to mind. A great comedian, one I respect, but also one who managed to say some unbelievably hurtful and ignorant things about homosexuals. Even as I try to put his comments into context, allowing for the vastly different social attitudes and political climate at the time he was performing, they still manage to sting, despite my best efforts to look at them academically. And that is just one example.

Homophobic comments still pepper the acts of several successful stand-up comics, and in each case I make the same effort to put their comments into the proper perspective. If stand-up is in any way about truth, then the road to that truth frequently leads through questionable and tasteless areas, as it should. I try to have faith that good comedians will eventually get there, and I try to force myself to remember that for those who don’t, homophobia is the least of their problems. Comedians work their material like sculptors, painstakingly carving something out of nothing, and while sculptors have the luxury of working in private, comedians must do the ugliest of their work on stage, in front of people. I’m sure if you walked into Michelangelo’s studio and saw “David” as a work in progress, it probably wouldn’t look like much either.

Then again, Tracy Morgan is no Michelangelo.

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Brace Yourselves

December 17, 2010

A vote is scheduled for Saturday on Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. Joe Lieberman has this to say: Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-Conn.), the chamber’s top advocate for repeal, predicted the final tally this weekend would surpass the 60-vote threshold required to overcome a Republican filibuster. GOP opposition, led by Sen. John McCain, the ranking Republican on the [...]

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Can We Just Do This Already?

December 15, 2010

Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Passes the House Alright Senate, I know you have a lot to do, and I hate it when I leave all my work for the last minute too, but let’s just get this done, OK? You’ll feel much better when it’s over, and then you can all go play in the [...]

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Big HIV/AIDS News That We Should Totally Not Overreact Too

December 14, 2010

Did you hear? THEY CURED AIDS! It’s over, everybody! Bring on the risky and unprotected sex! The worlds supply of condoms will now have to be repurposed and used for candle snifters, or tiny handbags. The world is saved! Brilliant German scientists have brought an end to the world wide plague that is HIV! Except they didn’t. Here is [...]

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The Internet is Not So Forever, as It Turns Out

December 13, 2010

I have been a Weezer fan since The Blue Album came out back when I was in high school, and let me tell you, it’s not been easy. Their recent work has been uneven, and Rivers Cuomo, the genius behind the band, tends to take an almost scientifically superstitious approach to song writing that seems to have been counterproductive. He [...]

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Senators Get One More Chance To Blow DADT Repeal

December 12, 2010

Who knew that Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal would find it’s tireless champion in Joseph Lieberman? True to his word, he and Susan Collins have indeed introduced a stand alone bill to repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. The Hill has a nice overview of what is going down: At this point the standalone repeal bill [...]

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The Internet is Forever

December 12, 2010

This week marks the relaunch of brainpanonline.com. Brain Pan has been around in some limping form or another since 2004. I have always been a writer, without any real place to write anything, and Brain Pan was an attempt to solve that problem. Over time, it also became a way for me to work on [...]

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