Despite the many issues facing the American People, it’s heartwarming to know that the GOP candidates for president can still take time out of their schedules to hate me and all the other members of the LBGT community. Did I say heartwarming? I meant sickening.

Since the bible is obviously so important to these people, I would like to know if they support denying farm subsidies to anyone planting different crops side by side. No? This is just about the family? Fine then. Let’s see a Constitutional amendment banning marriage between straight couples who cannot biologically reproduce. They can adopt you say, and children should have one father and one mother? Okey dokey, then what about Divorce? The bible has way more to say about Divorce than it does homosexuality, and it would by definition lead to single parent households. As they have established the concept that only Leave-It-To-Beaver style two straight parent households are acceptable to them, and this is all obviously their business for some reason, then outlawing divorce would be the logical next step right? Oh. Newt has been married how many times? So I guess he wouldn’t go for that.

OH and of course DADT must come back. Without it, our military will be forced to wear pink, and will be easier to shoot at. Or something. Who cares if they are qualified? Gays are not Americans to these people. And Americans can’t fight in the military. We are a Christian army, after all, and the Lord would surely smite us for our diversity.

These people make me ill. I must now go take a silk-wood shower.

And just like that, things get way more interesting, by which I of course mean more absurd. Michele Bachmann of Minnesota, or as I like to call her, Ron Paul without education, has just announced in the middle of the Republican presidential debate taking place now in New Hampshire, that she has filed papers to run for President of the United states. Some thoughts:

• This has to be the first time that a candidate has declared during a presidential debate. One wonders what she was doing in that room before the announcement.
• She is insane. Let’s not forget that.
• I bet Rick Santourm would love to claw her eyes out about right now. I think he had his heart set on being the nuttiest person in the race. Poor guy. Maybe a little man on dog love would cheer him up.

That’s it for now, but watch this woman. She will set the tone for how far right the other candidates will need to go to win over the tea party. Hope Mitt Romney brought it tinfoil hat.